Happy Christmas!

Chat talk and light discussion

Moderators: FECC-Moderator, Moderator5, Moderator3, Site Mechanic


User avatar

Topic author
iamhekev
Posts: 1396
Registered for: 20 years 7 months
Location: Highlands of Scotland
Age: 60

Happy Christmas!

Post by iamhekev »

(xmas jokes...like last year)


An elderly couple was sitting together, watching their favourite
Saturday night TV program.
During one of those commercial breaks, the husband asked his wife,
"Whatever happened to our sexual relations?"
After a long, thoughtful silence, the wife, during the next
commercial break, replied, "You know, I don't even think we got a
Christmas card from them this year."


KEV.


SAM...17.3.1955 to 24.1.2008

User avatar

Topic author
iamhekev
Posts: 1396
Registered for: 20 years 7 months
Location: Highlands of Scotland
Age: 60

Post by iamhekev »

If its that bad...i have the record,taking from last year winner on the same (type) tread....DEL BOY. :lol:


KEV.


SAM...17.3.1955 to 24.1.2008

User avatar

Topic author
iamhekev
Posts: 1396
Registered for: 20 years 7 months
Location: Highlands of Scotland
Age: 60

Post by iamhekev »

And a happy new year to you all.....
Last edited by iamhekev on Fri Nov 18, 2005 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.


KEV.


SAM...17.3.1955 to 24.1.2008


Delboy

Post by Delboy »

Kev,

Rest assured that I have been up for the last 72 hours trying to come up with a worse Christmas joke, but even I'm struggling!

Watch this space......... :smt114



User avatar

Topic author
iamhekev
Posts: 1396
Registered for: 20 years 7 months
Location: Highlands of Scotland
Age: 60

Post by iamhekev »

Get to your bed Delboy :P


KEV.


SAM...17.3.1955 to 24.1.2008

User avatar

sam
Posts: 3507
Registered for: 21 years 6 months
Location: N.S.W. Australia
Been thanked: 3 times

Post by sam »

Just remember Delboy, Santa only comes once a year!! And if you're a bad boy you might get lucky!!! :shock: :wink:


:P



User avatar

tupelo_boy
Posts: 2044
Registered for: 21 years 6 months
Location: Manchester UK
Has thanked: 630 times
Been thanked: 67 times
Age: 64

Post by tupelo_boy »

I here when Santa came last year - He filled Rusty's stocking :shock:

Geoff


tupelo boy

If I could you know that I would fly away with you.

Head of The Harum Scarum Soundtrack Appreciation Society - Camp Classic Division

User avatar

sam
Posts: 3507
Registered for: 21 years 6 months
Location: N.S.W. Australia
Been thanked: 3 times

Post by sam »

tupelo_boy wrote:I here when Santa came last year - He filled Rusty's stocking :shock:

Geoff
You heard right tupelo, But I can't fit in that Santa suit anymore!!!

:oops:



User avatar

Renan
Posts: 5145
Registered for: 19 years 11 months
Location: SAO PAULO, BRAZIL
Has thanked: 240 times
Been thanked: 255 times
Age: 39

Post by Renan »

Happy new year everybody! :D


"Ain't it funny how time slips away...."

User avatar

Topic author
iamhekev
Posts: 1396
Registered for: 20 years 7 months
Location: Highlands of Scotland
Age: 60

Post by iamhekev »

DEL...not like you to be slow on the uptake?. :wink:


KEV.


SAM...17.3.1955 to 24.1.2008

User avatar

Topic author
iamhekev
Posts: 1396
Registered for: 20 years 7 months
Location: Highlands of Scotland
Age: 60

Post by iamhekev »

More than 72 hours zzzzzzzzzzzz :P


KEV.


SAM...17.3.1955 to 24.1.2008

User avatar

ColinB
Posts: 29384
Registered for: 21 years 6 months
Location: Gravesend, UK
Has thanked: 73 times
Been thanked: 101 times

Post by ColinB »

carolynlm wrote:it's not the WORST joke that has appeared on this board...what was that guys name now Kev,...you know the one that made me mad?
Now he was a joke!!!!
Not sure what you're on about, Carolyn, but whatever it is, I was on holiday at the time.

And I can prove it.


Colin B
Judge a man not by his answers, but by his questions - Voltaire

User avatar

Topic author
iamhekev
Posts: 1396
Registered for: 20 years 7 months
Location: Highlands of Scotland
Age: 60

Post by iamhekev »

Well...oh...i forgot now. :oops:


KEV.


SAM...17.3.1955 to 24.1.2008

User avatar

tupelo_boy
Posts: 2044
Registered for: 21 years 6 months
Location: Manchester UK
Has thanked: 630 times
Been thanked: 67 times
Age: 64

Post by tupelo_boy »

I'll bet if I knew in the first place I'd have forgotten by now.

What was the question?

Geoff :?


tupelo boy

If I could you know that I would fly away with you.

Head of The Harum Scarum Soundtrack Appreciation Society - Camp Classic Division

User avatar

Topic author
iamhekev
Posts: 1396
Registered for: 20 years 7 months
Location: Highlands of Scotland
Age: 60

Post by iamhekev »

Here Geoff...

You mind what i was on about...you in Edinburgh that weekend...if not we were of on a pub crawl.

God i am confused now...

Another clue for ya.

Goldmine records...and i found it as well, that 4 days i was in your part of the world.


KEV.


SAM...17.3.1955 to 24.1.2008


Delboy

Post by Delboy »

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.

The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.

"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:





 

  "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."

:smt114 :smt114 :smt114




Scott Haigh 781990EP
Posts: 1360
Registered for: 18 years 11 months
Location: Down in the alley, Australia
Been thanked: 5 times
Age: 34

Post by Scott Haigh 781990EP »

ha ha! best laugh i've had in a while. good one



User avatar

Walter Hale 4
Posts: 19158
Registered for: 18 years 7 months
Has thanked: 5259 times
Been thanked: 4483 times

Re: Happy Christmas!

Post by Walter Hale 4 »

I'm giving up drinking until Christmas....jpeg
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.